Are You a Morning Person, or a People Person?

One of the nicest things about having a job is not having to interview anymore. I chronicled my annoyances with the job search process pretty extensively while I was in it, and I’m very happy to be out of it. I’m also happy that my current employers didn’t ask me any of the stupid b.s. questions that I had heard from so many other HR types, including my all-time favorite, “What would you say is your biggest fault?”, which as I believe I pointed out at the time may have cost me two jobs in a month.

I’m thinking about all of this because Jean has a phone interview this afternoon and asked me to throw some questions at her last night. It took quite a while before I could think of any but the annoying ones, and then I started thinking of amusing variations. Well, amusing to me anyway. Not necessarily to someone who was trying to prepare for an interview.

Where do you see yourself in the next five minutes?

What would you say is your biggest arm?

Think back to a recent conflict with a colleague and describe how you resolved it — using only facial expressions.

Would you describe yourself as a person?

Do you consider yourself a self-starter? Would you be willing to help start others?

What did I mean by that last question?

We want to get to know you as a person, not just as an employee. What are you like in the sack?

What makes you so goddamn special?

Comments

[Jerry]

- How well do you handle "Pressure," the frenetic Billy Joel single from 1982's multiplatinum "The Nylon Curtain"?

- What kind of work environment do you function best in? Follow-up: Since that environment doesn't exist except in your little cotton-candy-fantasy land, will you settle for a fluorescent-lit hellscape of soul-destroying tedium and watery coffee?

- How do you keep a moron in suspense?

- You're not going to go havin' any babies, are ya?

[beerzie boy]

Dickhead says what?

And Jean: For Pete's sake, lose the purple pantsuit.

[pbbbbb]

Ouch.

[Phil]

"Are you one of those snot-nosed kids who wants to become my peer and then my boss in two years? Because if you are, I can promise you that I'll make your life a living hell until you quit."

[jean]

these questions are a lot funnier post-phone interview. of course they started with the hardest one - 'why us, why this job?'. so vague, and so open for making all kinds of interview faux pas.

[Andrew]

I hoped you answered, "Well, clearly because I am exceedingly desparate."

[The Reverend]

This executive was interviewing a nervous young women for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The girl quickly responded, "The living one."